weirdo~

entertain me!

even if u want to b a trash..be like dat trash..XPENSIVE ONE! ok freak?

edited from ‘d last song’

sunset taken in tioman island, malaysia while i was doing my diving licence..i kinda luv dz pic :) d best creation i’ve snapped..atleast dats wut i tot since im not even a gud photographer..LOL..

d TRUTH..

tricky word isnt it?

sounds lrger than life.

very serious.

i looked it up in a dict, Webster’s says “it’s d real state of things, the body of real events or facts.”

then again, Oscar Wilde said that “d pure and simple TRUTH is rarely pure n never simple.”

TRUTH, u see, is in d eye of d beholder.

i didnt like d idea of TRUTH.

i always believe thre was more than one way to tell a story,

to see things.

i didnt think the TRUTH even belonged in dz world.

as u present ur points,

d others will get the chance to put a different spin on d same stuff.

but you will notice i didnt say anything about presenting the TRUTH.

funny!

dun u think,

dat i shud hav to take the TRUTH n run with it till d end?

because dats all i hav left.

in defense of me, myself…

but u, u hav a choice.

u can do what i used to do-what i like to do-juz go on with d facts n form ur own opinions.

or u can hold d TRUTH in ur hands,

n see it for d gift it is.

d choice is all urs :)

i read dz top-sy thing in twitter while thinkin “thx god its not p0tsy”..keh3

of coz!aftr all it cnt be me ryte??

                                  

I feel so small..so flawed. Incapable of taking care of something and let it stay. The road, i cant see the ending. I just dont know what to do. Stopped in my tracks. hesitating…whether to turn around or to walk on… and im still standing there, not going anywhere. I just wish I have a reason to turn back…and I wish you’d give me one… but how can I turn back to someone who doesn’t want me there anymore?

p/s - hey arine…I must say, you’ve always known the right words to say to describe how I feel and right now when I’m lost for it, I had to take yours to express myself. Hope that’s alright with you :) coz this is exactly how I feel.

dear heart,
i hope you’d try hard to not be as cold, even though it might hurt not to be. because getting hurt and crying are being human. dont stop being one. i know, sometimes, it is hard to get from being weak to being strong. and why let all the same things affect how you feel again..when now, you’re on the run, always occupied with something? but dear, you will get tired one day, and even if you’d hate to stop being caught up in everything else except how you feel, you eventually will. out of exhaustion. yes, frustration kills all optimism. but avoiding frustration makes you avoid the main highway all the time. and you know you cant avoid it forever.

The sound of my fingers pressing the keys on my keyboard continuously fill up the silence. I used to stare at the screen trying to ignore what I feel. Like always. Sometimes everything just hurts so bad. That I stare at things like staring at a white screen, the stare of ignorance, perhaps a shield for my heart that is not even in one piece anymore. When I look at people around me smiling and laughing, I just wanna be like them. To not be a mess, at least. To not be so weak. I want to be able to trust my heart with feelings again. To have any feeling, and not be crushed so easily.

 My eyes caught on that proposal. Going back to my alma mater. A place I have been running away for years now. It seemed like a fast forward moment. I didnt realize, it has been measured in years already. Why I want to go back there? I dont. I just felt that it is something i should do. Something that probably would end up being insignificant, but it just a mere important matter. I think of what I would have to say when I meet the enthusiastic eyes of my juniors. or even my dearest friends. What should I say? In truth, I think, there was just too much that words are drained out already. Weird, the only word that came by in what I could tell them about: Death.

 Death makes life seems to be like a dream. It gives a fullstop to all the meanings of everything that are fana’. And I cant help thinking, that those would be just mere words continuously repeated, until death comes by so near to you…to the people you love. And when it is probably threatening my constant childhood friend now, my heart couldnt wait for trust to not be crushed. It already is. Crushed.